Living in Denial

So, I've just realised that by this time in 25 days, if everything goes to plan, I will have already arrived in France, set up a bank account and will now be going on a mini tour of my town. I keep telling myself that once I arrive and have dumped my bags, it'll be okay and I'm just worrying over nothing. Or maybe, once I've got there, set up the bank account, gone to the CAF to explain that I don't have a social security number, finally met my classes, AND made it to St. Brieuc before 9am on the training day... just then, and only then, might I start to feel calmer.

As I'm sure you've caught on by now, I've already started applying for housing benefit (now on referred to as CAF - Caisse d'Allocations Familliales), even though we were told in the Year Abroad talks that we couldn't apply until about a month after we arrived. This is technically true, but my landlord was insisting that I started now as it's the date of application which counts. So what I've had to do is tell them everything I could and then at the end of October, just update them, which is apparently easier and quicker than starting from the beginning.

I've read many a time that French bureaucracy is enough to put anyone off from moving to France, either temporarily or not. So far, I have to say I've not found it too horrific, I've just photocopied every single piece of identification and information and sent it to the CAF. The only trouble I have come across is cultural differences. I was asked for a Social Security number, and as we don't have that over here, I left it blank. After I posted the entire form to my landlord so he could complete his part, he started asking me about this number. At the time, the only thing I could think of that might have been similar was my National Insurance number, so gave him that, along with a rough outline of what NI does. He then replied to me explaining exactly what Social Security is, which is when I realised that my EHIC would be the closest information I could give. After describing the NHS and the EHIC card, he wrote all the numbers on the form, just in case. I'd like to think that I survived that discussion rather well.

This success doesn't stop me from living in denial though. I was thinking the other day about the aspects which scare me the most about the next 9 months or so. This is what I've come up with and I'll try to put them in some sort of order.

Not being good enough to teach: This is definitely my number one worry. I'm going to have to stand up in front of a classroom full of teenagers and come up with something relatively entertaining for an hour, every week. I realise that planning is key for this, and planning I will do, but what if I plan the wrong things?

Being faced with a constant wall of silence: Linked to the previous one, what if my lesson plans are okay, but the kids are just really stubborn and don't care about what I've prepared? What if they strike and just refuse to participate?

Living with two guys: Not a major worry, but it certainly exists. I didn't really think that it could have been a possiblilty. It's certainly going to be different from having an ensuite for the last two years!

The language barrier: You might have thought that I would have placed this higher. Don't get me wrong, I'm worried about how my spoken French will go and how there'll be cultural clashes with humour, but the teaching anxiety is huge. Maybe I should have applied to university...

Packing: How, just how, do you fit your life into a suitcase and a rucksack? I don't have any luggage restrictions per se, just whatever I can carry. Considering I needed a van to move out of my flat in Leeds (read bedroom and part of kitchen), I think I may struggle.

And finally, a trivial worry, just to make the others seem more important, the cobbles and the hills: As I get older, (I know, I'm not even 21 yet) I consider more seriously that I may naturally have bad feet. Bad in the way that they hurt if I'm stood up too long, if I walk too far, or if I walk on uneven ground. At first, I thought I was just being pathetic, but it's something I'm starting to look into and if it doesn't improve over the next year, I'll be mentioning it to my doctor when I return to Leeds.